You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
