i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
