I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
