i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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