I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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