is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
