During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
