if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
