My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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