I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
