I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
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My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
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Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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