A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
