Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
