Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
