I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
