This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
