and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
