we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
