i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
