A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
