Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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