it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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