he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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