i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
