Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
