Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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