so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
