I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
