Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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