um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize