so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
did i just pee glitter
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
