I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
