please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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