she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
