my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
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Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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