Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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