yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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