Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
