Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
