Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
