Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
