Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
