Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
