Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
