Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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