the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
