This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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