i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
