I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
