Please, let me fuck your mom
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
