high people should be assigned attendants
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
