forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
