If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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