Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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