I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
