I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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