every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
