The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
