flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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