Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
