OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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