is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
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I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
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I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm always down for nudity.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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