Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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