I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
