I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
