i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
