I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
