wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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