If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
