dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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