I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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