i barfeds in our rink
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
