walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You are a genius and a whore.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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