either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
