Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
