i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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