We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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