...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
